Security Geeks

( So I'm at the exciting North Gate mall of Chattanooga and a question comes to mind," Why is it that security guards are always the most incapable people of providing security?"). ( It seems that the qualifications for the position are: really fat or really scrawny, old, dorky, geeky, a ridiculous looking human being; it's just plain ridiculous). ( I'm tired of watching a circus side show stroll by my desk every 15 minutes with a chip on its shoulder). ( You know I just feel so secure knowing that an ugly fat lady, a dying old man and a geeky kid,who' still bitter about high school and tries to release his revenge on the cool kids in the mall by blinding them with his flashlight and threatening to cut them with his pokemon cards for loitering, are bee-boppin around me to protect me in case of any danger). ( If I was ever robbed I believe that I would have to chase the crook down myself and then bring the fat, old lady "security guard" back to life by cpr, not to mention the therapy sessions I'd have to give her for all the trauma). Whoa, whoa, whoa! What a minute here. What's this, parenthesis guy? You can't write on your own, that's my job. ( Look the people needed me. What can I say, I got skills). Well...fine! In that case I'll just make shrewd, demeanering comments all through your stupid inadequate article. ( Uh.. Sorry, but that's already been taken. I don't think you've met my cousin, inside out parenthesis guy). ) 'sup, dog(. Aww!! I can't take this madness anymore! ( Sorry about that, readers. My little friend has got serious issues). ( I hope my article brought you joy today and maybe even a little tickle that felt disturbing or inappropiate). You need me! You know it! Don't walk away reader; don't you dare....